09.08.2024.
All babies cry, and some more than others. Crying is your baby’s way of telling you they need comfort and care.
The average 0-3 month young baby cries for as much as 2 hours a day* and this is often related to hunger, a dirty nappy or tiredness. When a baby cries, it can be hard to cope with, but understanding some of the reasons why and sharing another parent’s advice can be helpful. The following checklist may help to soothe your baby (Journal of Pedriatrics June 2017).
Young babies need a lot of sleep, but their sleep patterns change and every baby is different. On average a baby will sleep for 16-18 hours a day in the first 4 months and from 12-16 hours in the first year but of course they will get hungry and wake every few hours for a feed or a nappy change. Going without sleep is one of the biggest challenges for a parent and establishing a sleep routine isn’t always easy.
Sometimes it’s easy to work out what they want, and sometimes it’s not.
The most common reasons for crying are:
- hunger
- a dirty or wet nappy
- tiredness
- wanting a cuddle
- wind
- being too hot or too cold
- boredom
- overstimulation
There may be times of the day when your baby tends to cry a lot and cannot be comforted. Early evening is the most common time for this to happen.
This can be hard for you, as it’s often the time when you’re most tired and least able to cope.
The amount babies cry tends to peak when they’re around 4 to 8 weeks old, then gradually tail off.
How to calm a crying baby
Try some of the following ways to comfort your baby. Some may work better than others:
- If you’re breastfeeding, let your baby suckle at your breast.
- Having some gentle noise in the background may help distract your baby.
- Some older babies like to use a bit of cloth or a blanket as a comforter.
- Hold your baby or put them in a sling so they’re close to you. Move about gently, sway and dance, talk to them and sing.
- Rock your baby backwards and forwards in the pram, or go out for a walk or a drive. But limit how long your baby sleeps in a car seat to up to 30 minutes for newborns and up to 2 hours for babies. Even if they wake up again when you stop, at least you’ll have had a break.
- Find something for them to listen to or look at. This could be music on the radio, a CD, a rattle, or a mobile above the cot.
- Try stroking your baby’s back firmly and rhythmically, holding them against you or lying face downwards on your lap.
- Undress your baby and massage them gently and firmly. Avoid using any oils or lotions until your baby’s at least a month old. Talk soothingly as you do it and keep the room warm enough. Some health centres and clinics run baby massage courses. For information, ask your midwife or health visitor.
- Try a warm bath. This calms some babies instantly, but makes others cry even more.
- Sometimes too much rocking and singing can keep your baby awake. You might find lying them down after a feed will help.
- Ask your health visitor for advice.
Crying during feeds
Some babies cry and seem unsettled around the time of a feed. If you’re breastfeeding, you may find that improving your baby’s positioning and attachment helps them settle.
You can go to a breastfeeding drop-in group and ask for help if there’s one available in your local area.
You can also ask your health visitor for advice.
Crying during feeds can sometimes be a symptom of reflux, a common condition where babies bring back milk after feeds.
Speak to your health visitor or GP for more information and advice.
If your baby cries constantly
There are several reasons that can cause a baby to cry excessively.
It can be exhausting if you have tried everything and nothing seems to comfort your baby.
Colic
Excessive crying could be a sign that your baby has colic. Everyone agrees that colic exists, but nobody knows what causes it.
Some doctors think it’s a kind of stomach cramp. The crying sounds miserable and distressed, and stops for a moment or two, then starts up again, which suggests it could be caused by waves of stomach pain.
The crying can go on for some hours. There may be little you can do except try to comfort your baby and wait for the crying to pass.
Crying and illness
If your baby’s crying constantly and you cannot console or distract them, or the cry does not sound like their normal cry, it can be a sign they’re ill.
Or they may be ill if they’re crying and have other symptoms, such as a high temperature. If this is the case, contact your health visitor, GP or call NHS 111.
Call 999 and ask for an ambulance if your baby:
- has a fit (seizure or convulsion)
- has blue, mottled, ashen (grey) or very pale skin
- is unresponsive, floppy or not waking up as easily as usual
- breathes rapidly or makes a throaty noise while breathing, or seems to be working hard to breathe, perhaps sucking in their stomach under their ribcage
- is being violently sick a lot (projectile vomiting)
- has a high temperature, but their hands and feet feel cold
- has a spotty purple-red rash anywhere on the body – this could be a sign of meningitis
Trust your instincts. You know what’s different or worrying behaviour in your baby.
If you decide to talk to your health visitor or GP, it can help to keep a record of how often and when your baby cries.
For example, this might be after every feed or during the evening. This can help your health visitor or GP to work out if there’s a particular cause for the crying.
Keeping a record can also help you identify the times when you need extra support. You could think about possible changes to your routine.
There may be times when you’re so tired and angry you feel like you cannot take any more. This happens to a lot of parents, so do not be ashamed to ask for help.
If you do not have anyone who can take care of your baby for a short time and the crying is making you stressed, put your baby in their cot or pram, make sure they’re safe, close the door, go into another room and try to calm yourself down.
Set a time limit – for example, 10 minutes – then go back.
Never shake your baby
No matter how frustrated you feel, you must never shake your baby. Shaking moves their head violently and can cause brain damage.
Support for parents with crying and sleepless babies Cry-sis.org suggests establishing a routine.
Between the ages of three and six months, a routine should start to emerge; ideally your baby will sleep more at night than during the day. Do not worry if this is not the case. Note down the feed and sleep times to see if there is a pattern emerging. Try to establish a bedtime routine as soon as possible, keeping to the same bedtime, and perhaps a warm bath followed by a quiet feed and a cuddle.
Checklist for settling babies (3 – 6 months)
- Put baby down on his back awake, allowing him to try and settle down himself. Do not go back at the first whimper. It is worth noting that young babies may need to cry for a short period to get themselves to sleep.
- Young babies will often wake for a night feed; this is natural. However, try to keep feeds as low key as possible, (no loud noises, subdued lighting). This will help baby distinguish between day and night and will hopefully prevent night feeds from becoming a comfortable habit as he gets older.
- Make sure that baby is comfortable (check nappy), well fed and not thirsty.
- Is baby cold or in a draught?
- Is baby too hot? It is very important not to allow baby to get overheated.
- Some babies like the dark; others prefer a soft night light. Some babies like background noise. There are many apps available offering white noise.
- Soothing quiet music can often help babies to settle; try a musical mobile over the cot, attached securely and safely out of reach.
- Checking routine for older babies (7 – 9 months onwards)
This method, advocated by numerous child psychologists, has worked for many parents who have contacted the Cry-sis Helpline. It can also be used for the older child.
- Ensure that parents and baby are both well. Give yourself 2 clear weeks when you are not going out in the evening or going away.
- Babies and children benefit from a routine, especially at bedtime. Set a bedtime and stick to it. Make sure there is a good ‘winding down’ period: quiet games, stories and a relaxing bath. Televisions and screens that emit a blue light can cause wakefulness and hinder sleep.
- Put baby to bed awake, tuck them in, say ‘goodnight’ and leave the room. Make sure baby has their usual comfort item, such as a dummy with them before you go, and there is no access to blue screens in the bedroom.
- When baby cries, leave them for a set time, (3-5 mins perhaps), then go back, ‘check’, tuck baby back in and leave. Try not to pick baby up. Do this until baby goes to sleep; some parents leave the period of time between checking a little longer each time.
- If your baby gets up, return them gently but firmly to bed. It may help to use the same repetitive phrase and tone of voice every time you go in to ‘check’ your child
- Be consistent. If you change the routine it could make it more difficult to carry on with the routine the following night.
- If baby wakes in the night, do the same as before. Go back as many times as is necessary to ‘check’. In this way, you and baby know that everything is OK. Keep the light level low and use as little disturbance as possible.
- If you have the support of a partner, make sure you work together, and do the same things.
- Tell your neighbours what you are going to do if you think the crying may alarm them and discuss it with the health visitor.
The Gradual Retreat Method
This is probably easier on the nerves than the checking routine as it may involve less crying, but may take longer. Baby is put down to bed awake again, but this time, instead of leaving, you stay and sit by the cot or bed until baby falls asleep – stroking them as necessary but avoiding talking to them. Over the next few nights, gradually sit further away until baby will fall asleep with you outside the bedroom door. Do not use a phone etc near the cot while you are waiting for baby to go to sleep, the blue light will hinder sleep.
Points to remember
- Consult your GP or health visitor to eliminate any medical conditions that may account for sleep problems and discuss the new routine.
- Consistency is vital. Baby will understand that this is different, and if repeated every time they wake up, they will become accustomed to the routine and will eventually fall asleep. Sleep training does take patience, and it is unlikely to be successful in the first one or two days. There will be a nightly improvement, it is useful to keep a diary of progress, be prepared for some difficult nights before a good sleep pattern is established.
- If the baby becomes ill, sleep patterns will obviously be disturbed, try and get back to the previous routine as soon as baby is well again.
- An over tired baby will often sleep less soundly; always ensure your baby has adequate day-time naps.
- Obtain as much support from others as you can.
- Look after yourself (baby relies on you to stay fit). Eat well and drink plenty of fluids to stay hydrated. (Especially important when breast feeding).
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