Medicine may be ruled by science and strict protocols, but it’s still a very human business — and humans ask the best questions. Between the blood pressure cuffs and stethoscopes, doctors often hear things like, “Can I get pregnant from swimming?” or “Could a watermelon grow inside me?”
Medicine may be serious, but the moments can be hilariously unpredictable.
1. “I swallowed a watermelon seed. Will a watermelon grow in my stomach?”
Doctor: “Don’t worry, your stomach doesn’t have soil, sunlight, or water to grow a watermelon.”
Kid: “But I drank water today!”
Doctor: “…Fair point.”
2. “Can I get pregnant from swimming in a pool?”
Patient: “Doctor, I think I might be pregnant.”
Doctor: “Okay… when was your last period?”
Patient: “Two months ago. But I haven’t done anything! I just swam in a pool… with guys!”
Doctor: “You mean… like… swimming-swimming?”
Patient: “Yes! What if the sperm just… swam over?”
Doctor: “…That’s not how it works.”
3. “I think my blood is too sweet.”
Doctor: “How’s your sugar control?”
Patient: “Terrible. My blood’s just naturally sweet.”
Doctor: “Your A1C is 11. That’s not sweetness. That’s diabetes.”
Patient: “But I don’t eat sugar! Just six sodas a day.”
4. “I can’t take my pills because they have side effects.”
Doctor: “Your blood pressure’s dangerously high. Are you taking your meds?”
Patient: “No, I stopped.”
Doctor: “Why?”
Patient: “The pamphlet said they might cause a headache.”
Doctor: “You do realise a stroke is also a side effect of NOT taking them, right?”
Patient: “Yeah, but… I’d rather risk that than a headache.”
5. “I’m allergic to oxygen.”
Doctor: “Any allergies?”
Patient: “Yes. Oxygen.”
Doctor: “…You’re allergic to oxygen?”
Patient: “Every time I breathe, my chest hurts.”
Doctor: “That’s… probably a lung infection, not oxygen.”
6. “I googled my symptoms… It’s either a cold or I’m dying.”
Patient: “I have a headache and a runny nose.”
Doctor: “Sounds like a cold.”
Patient: “I Googled it. It could be a brain tumour.”
Doctor: “Or… a cold.”
Patient: “But what if it’s not?”
Doctor: “What if it is?”
7. “I don’t need a flu shot. My grandma smoked and lived to 100.”
Doctor: “You should really get vaccinated.”
Patient: “Nah. My grandma smoked every day and lived to 100.”
Doctor: “That’s… not immunity.”
Patient: “It’s in my genes.”
8. “I think I caught diabetes from my uncle.”
Patient: “Doctor, I think I caught diabetes from my uncle.”
Doctor: “What?”
Patient: “We ate dinner together. Same dessert.”
Doctor: “Diabetes isn’t contagious.”
Patient: “Are you sure? He coughed.”
9. “Can you prescribe me extra-strength placebos?”
Patient: “Doctor, I need some extra-strength placebos.”
Doctor: “You mean… sugar pills?”
Patient: “No, stronger ones. The kind that really work.”
Doctor: “…Placebos don’t actually do anything.”
Patient: “That’s why I need a higher dose.”
10. “I stopped my antibiotics because I felt better.”
Doctor: “Did you finish your antibiotics?”
Patient: “No, I stopped after three days. I felt fine.”
Doctor: “That’s not how it works. The bacteria could still be there.”
Patient: “But I felt better.”
Doctor: “That’s like stopping your parachute mid-air because you’re no longer scared of falling.”
11. “Can I drink on these antibiotics?”
Patient: “Doctor, can I drink alcohol with this medication?”
Doctor: “No.”
Patient: “Okay, but just a little?”
Doctor: “No.”
Patient: “Not even beer?”
Doctor: “Still no.”
Patient: “What if I drink first, then take the pill?”
Doctor: “For the love of science, NO.”
12. “I don’t need to exercise. I sweat in the summer.”
Doctor: “You need more physical activity.”
Patient: “Oh, I already do. I sweat all summer.”
Doctor: “…That’s not exercise.”
Patient: “But it burns calories, right?”
15.11.2025.
